how to get the kisses you want

Give your love life some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation

A kiss is not just a kiss. How, where and when you swap smackers with your man says a lot about your relationship. A good kiss can keep you hooked, and a bad one can send you running.

Kissing is one of the most intimate things you can do with your partner. It's far more emotionally intimate than sex - that's why prostitutes won't allow it. Sex is just sex, but kissing crosses the line.

So if you're not getting the kisses you want, it can seriously affect the health of your love life. The same applies if you doubt your own kissing ability, or you?ve gone off kissing.

The good news is that kissing can be improved. If you and your man go from kiss-phobics to kissing with confidence, it will do wonders for your relationship and sex life. Kissing is an expression of love, affection and sexual attraction, so it's central to your relationship.

Follow these ten steps to smooching satisfaction, and you'll soon be getting the kisses you want.

1. Follow the kiss diet

This goes for your man, too. If you both have a thing for garlic, onions, cigarettes and other such aromatic delights, fine - you'll be less likely to taste them on each other. But if only one of you likes these strong flavours, it could kill your kiss-life.

Cutting down on this stuff is tricky if you love them, but it's even trickier to get your partner to cut back if you're not into whiffy kisses. How do you tell them without hurting their feelings?

Rather than banning smelly food and ciggies, make the alternative even more attractive. When your man tastes great, tell him so. After a lovely onion-free dinner, treat him to a passionate snog and tell him how delicious he tasted. He'll soon get the message. (Alternatively, find a man who eats the same food as you do. It will make dinner time easier, anyway.)

2. Tongues are not deep-throat weapons

Good kissing does not mean shoving your tongue as far as it will go. That's not kissing, it's common assault, and feels like being choked to death by a nervous eel.

You probably knew this already. It's more likely that your man didn't, especially if he's a bit inexperienced. Even some experienced men seem to think that choking a woman with his tongue is the 'adult' way to kiss.

Instead, a great kiss is a tease. You touch each other's lips softly and slowly, allowing the insistency to build. Tongues are there to be used, but with care - it's a richly sensitive part of the body.

The only way to cure a habitual deep-throater is to demonstrate, rather than to lecture. Kiss him exactly how you'd like to be kissed.

If he keeps shoving his tongue deep into your mouth, and you don't like it, pull back and say firmly, 'now let me kiss you.' Be clear about who's in charge. Tease his lips and the tip of his tongue, and make him hungry for more.

This should teach him that teasing kisses are extremely sexy, and he'll try to kiss you the same way. If he still doesn't get the message, just say: 'now tease me.' 3. Do it in private

If your man is an uneasy or inexperienced kisser, don't force him to snog in public. For many people, public displays of affection are embarrassing and tacky, even if they love and fancy you to bits. Their confidence is killed by embarrassment.

4. Take the lead

Many bad kissers lack the confidence to let go and enjoy themselves. If you initiate lots of kisses, his confidence - and technique - will improve. Practice makes perfect, after all.

Learn to read his body language. If he's touching you, laughing and making lots of eye contact, chances are he wants a kiss. Now's your chance to brush up his skills and get your lip-locking rocks off.

5. Don't rush him

If you're enjoying the kiss and he seems to be enjoying it too, let it continue. Allow him to relax into it, and he'll soon start to trust his instincts rather than those old teenage ideas about what a grown-up kiss should be like.

Bring your body into it, too. Press against him slowly, and allow him a tingle of sexual anticipation as you tease your tongue around their lips and teeth. Next time he gets you naked, you won't know what hit you...

6. Take him by surprise

Men often think that it's their job to take the lead sexually, and that includes kissing. But secretly, even the most traditionalist male will get a huge thrill - and a confidence boost - from thinking that you can't get enough of him.

Kiss him by surprise when he's doing the washing up, when he's just brushed his teeth or when he comes home from work.

But choose your moment. Don't kiss him just as he's leaving the loo, or when he's deep into his favourite TV programme or computer game. That makes you a bad kisser.

7. Mirror each other

It's human nature for people to mimic each other's behaviour when they're together. If your body language is right, his body language should improve too.

For example, relax, breathe slowly and close your eyes. Your man should do the same, which will go a long way to improving his kiss-technique.

8. Get handy with your mitts

If the mirroring trick is working, your man's hands should get in on the act too. Gently touch his neck, his face, his shoulders and whichever parts of his body you know he's proud of. No, not his crotch - see number 9.

If his own hands remain limply holding your waist, you really have a job to do. You have to be proactive. Brush his hand with yours, move it towards your hip or breast, and push yourself gently against his hand. If this doesn't loosen up his paws, not much will.

9. Ask

He'll find it wildly seductive if you ask 'may I kiss you?' or tell him 'I have to kiss you' - and it will help put you in the driving seat. If his body language suggests that he's in the mood for a snog, whisper the words and get kissing.

10. Don't always follow it with sex

Better kissing will almost certainly improve your sex life. But show your man that a kiss can be a sexual experience in itself, and doesn't always have to lead to full sex.

Incidentally if his sex drive is lower than yours, he may dread kissing because he thinks it has to be a prelude to sex every time.

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